How’s it going? ☺️
Before we get into it, we are super excited to announce our first online course, a video workshop called Better Connected, is now LIVE!! We've been working on this for 6 months, and we're very keen to share it with you. Watch our 60 second promo here 👇
We're on a mission to get couples better connected because life is easier when you're closer. Already, 480 couples have done this workshop in person. Now we're opening it up for the world!
Heads up, we get pretty real inside it. You'll hear about some of our challenges over the years and how we worked to stay connected in every season (even with 3 kids under 2!).
And, just for our email subscribers, we're offering a special discount off the launch price of $80. Use the code LAUNCH20 to get it for $60 or CLICK HERE for it to be applied immediately.
If you have any questions at all, please reply to this email! As always, we love to hear from you.
Ok, let’s get into it. As usual, grab your spouse, get comfy and let's go.
// VISION
From Housemates to Soulmates
Ever heard people get all pessimistic when someone gets married?
You hear comments like, "Ohhh, it's Game Over bro", and "The ol Ball and Chain". There are lots of false assumptions that marriages are doomed to fail, become bland and unfulfilling, the sex will dry up or you'll inevitably become just managers of the kids and home.
None of this is true. (In fact, married couples statistically have the most sex!)
But, we get the point. Because if we're not careful, the craziness of life can wear us down over time, and we hit seasons where the marriage feels flat, familiar or a bit disappointing. When that happens, it’s easy to slip into a pessimistic mindset. You start replaying in your mind what’s not working, what your spouse isn’t doing, or where the relationship feels... stuck.
Before you know it, you're not on the same page anymore. Busyness and distraction have taken hold and now you’re holding your spouse at arm's length. Vulnerability keeps shrinking and your emotional intimacy hits an all-time low. And you think (like so many other couples),
“How did we become just housemates?!”
The cure for marital pessimism is "a shared vision". A vision of your future relationship that you both agree on and commit to. And build. Together.
Not just a vision of what you'll ACHIEVE together. The house, holidays, family, accomplishments, business wins, and nest-egg goals.
What kind of RELATIONSHIP do you want to create together?
Years ago, Beck and I made an agreement. That we would be lovers and best friends. That is the dream and the plan for our marriage. We don't want to end up as mere companions or housemates or separated in our hearts or lives. Both lovers and best friends, no matter what.
That set wheels in motion for some of the hardest conversations we've ever had. And weeks of tension, months of funkiness and awkwardness. But we knew we had both committed to the big goal, the big dream of both lovers and best friends.
Was that fun? No way. Did it lead to more closeness? Eventually. It's always led us back there.
To start to dream about your relationship again, you need to:
Ask the big question
Define the problem
Come back together.
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// TRY THIS
Try Paired - The app for couples
We’re not affiliated with this at all but one couple Darren has been working with have been using it for a few months now and it’s been extremely helpful in drawing them closer.
The app takes about 5 minutes a day, is designed for busy couples and you answer questions, take quizzes and discover topics and fun things about your spouse. You also get to see your spouse’s answers after you’ve completed yours. We’ve just started using it. There’s a subscription cost after the free trial.
// VISION
Date Night Questions - Towards Soul Mates
When do you feel most like we’re a team, not just running a household together?
What’s one simple thing we used to do that made us feel more connected than we do right now?
In the last few months, have there been moments where you’ve felt more like housemates than soulmates? What made you feel that way?
What do you need more of from me to feel emotionally close and chosen?
If we imagined our marriage one year from now, feeling deeply connected again, what would be different about how we treat each other, talk to each other or prioritise each other?
// AFFILIATE LINK
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// MORE RESOURCES
How do you feel about your relationship?
We feel like roommates - From House Mates to Soul Mates
I feel like we’re slowly drifting apart - How to Stop Drifting Apart
We’re going through a very tough season - Weathering a Perfect Storm
We fight about housework - The Housework Problem SOLVED
We don’t know how to talk about sex - Six Types of Sex, How To Talk About Sex With Your Spouse
I feel like I’m doing all the work - When Your Marriage Feels One-Sided
Until next month, stay close!
Darren & Beck Chapman
[email protected]
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