// CONNECTION
It’s like not brushing your teeth…

So much in marriage comes back to a few simple yet powerful things. Choosing each other, prioritising each other, and investing in the relationship.

When any of these things fade it's like not brushing your teeth.

Let's say you have 2 couples. Similar in almost every way. One couple after 10 years is still having lots of fun, has a healthy relationship and a close marriage. The other couple after 10 years is a bit snappy at each other, hasn't had a date night in years and does all their activities together around a screen. The 2nd couple feels disconnected and distant.

There's a subtle difference in the decisions and journeys of both couples. It's how much they let life affect their connection. How much did they allow the busyness, the tiredness, and the relentlessness of normal life to affect how close they chose to be?

You're as close as you truly want to be.

Yep. Because there's always a road back to closeness. Always. We simply need to get intentional, and purposeful and make every effort to do it.

In the middle of this epic conversation between Steven Bartlett (Diary of a CEO) and one of our favs, Simon Sinek (A Little Bit of Optimism), they share a moment discussing the impact of romantic relationships that become low priority.

Go ahead, click the link and watch for just a few minutes. It's gold.

What's crazy is that he's talking about his most important relationship... but it's become a residual beneficiary? It gets the residual of what’s left over in his life? What?! How does this happen?

His MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP is now taking 2nd, 3rd, 5th place to other things in his life. He's investing time, energy, resources, strength and life into his business but is neglecting the love of his life.

This sounds crazy, right? But we all do it at times.

How much does your spouse get your leftovers?

The disconnect is slow, and the damage is unrecognisable... at first. And it's like not brushing your teeth. You won't see the impact immediately. And therefore, why worry about it. We’ll be fine. We’ll bounce back.

You might not even NOTICE the impact in the short term.

But you will in 12 months. Because then your hearts have drifted apart and you feel very disconnected.  And what’s worse, you've got entrenched poor priorities, entrenched behaviours of disconnection and a mindset that will take a root canal to shift.

So many couples we meet end up like this.

"We got a bit overloaded at work and didn't have enough to give each other. It was fine for a while but now we can't seem to connect no matter what we do."

This can happen as a result of many things:

• Busier than normal seasons

• Distraction, technology, binge-watching shows

• Tiredness and exhaustion

• A sickness or injury

• A new baby

• A side hustle that requires more of you

• Or just the relentless grind of life, kids, ageing parents, etc.

Any of these things can knock our patterns of connection off kilter... and, like not brushing your teeth, you might not notice for a while. But eventually, you will. Absolutely.

And if you don't adjust back to a connected way of living and relating together you'll end up with a LOW PRIORITY, LOW INVESTMENT marriage... which, unsurprisingly is also very low satisfaction.

We stop doing the easy, small things. The little pauses to check in. The impromptu hugs and chats on the lounge.

Eventually, small things add up and create the big things. Either a strong, healthy, fun marriage or a disconnected, unfulfilling one.

We must course-correct for drift.

We must snap back from a disruption in life to reestablish patterns and habits of connection again.

Otherwise, it'll be a root canal or worse, extraction.

// TRY THIS
Ask a positive, loaded question

Sit down next to your spouse this week and ask them Date night question #5:

If we could design our ideal relationship five years from now, what would it look like? What small steps can we take now to move toward that vision?

// DATE NIGHTS
Date Night Questions

1. How do you think we’ve been doing at choosing, prioritizing, and investing in each other lately? Where could we be more intentional?

2. Are there any areas of our life (work, kids, technology, busyness) that have been getting more of our best energy than our marriage? How can we shift that?

3. What small, daily habits of connection (like hugs, check-ins, or time together) do we need to bring back or reinforce?

4. When do you feel most connected to me? How can we create more of those moments in our everyday life?

5. If we could design our ideal relationship five years from now, what would it look like? What small steps can we take now to move toward that vision?

// AFFILIATE LINK

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