How to set up an important conversation 😬

// UNITY
How to Have a Hard Conversation

It can be difficult to have a hard conversation. By that I mean a talk that moves us towards agreement. That’s different to other conversations we might have. There’s the end-of-the-workday debrief. The making plans conversation. The intentional check-in. The organic, fun connecting moments. The I'm-just-letting-you-know-because-this-will-impact-us-in-some-way chat.

So, let's talk about a conversation that creates unity. Things might get tense or heated as you walk through an issue but if you undergird it with love and kindness and listen to understand you can get on the same page about anything.

The Set-Up

Hard conversations work best in the right conditions. So set it up. You need 3 things: Timing, energy, and a loving approach.

1. Firstly, make sure you get the timing right. Don’t raise the issue when you’re about to walk out the door for work. You don’t want to arrive at a critical point in your conversation and have to cut it off and leave things hanging because you only gave yourself 15 minutes to fix something that’s been on your mind for 3 months. Carve out enough time. Head out for coffee or dinner or grab a lounge at home and settle in. Chocolate always helps.

2. Secondly, you both need emotional energy so you can discuss the problem with kindness and love and not hurt each other. Does your spouse have the emotional capacity to have this conversation right now? If not, that’s ok. You don’t want to steamroll them with it.

3. Lastly, you need a loving approach. You want to tackle the problem together, not point fingers and fight each other. So don’t go in all guns blazing. Start soft. See below.

Click below to finish the deep dive on how to have a hard conversation. We look at processing styles (internal and external), the power of kindness, how to talk it out and listen like a boss.

// TRY THIS
Download our Unity Survey

Ever wondered how much you’re on the same page with each other? We created this survey to give you a snapshot of how well you’re doing in the area of unity.

It’s simple. Download the PDF below. Print out 2 copies. Fill them out separately. Then come together and discuss. You could even take your answers on your next date. Just don’t forget to be kind!

// DATE NIGHTS
Date Night Questions

• What is one area of our life together where we are totally crushing it?

• What is one area you would like to improve?

• What are a bunch of ways we could do that?

• What resources exist to help us thrive in that area?