We think investing in your marriage is like investing in the stock market. In many ways! There's the compounding effect of regular date nights, the sustained growth in your relationship over time, and the longstanding principle upheld by financial legends Warren Buffett and John Bogle: invest early and often.

If every couple invested in their marriage early and often, we'd have much healthier marriages and a much better divorce rate.

Now, investing is definitely more than financial when it comes to marriage. We must invest emotionally and relationally more than anything. Quality time together talking, laughing, telling stories about our day and moving into places of vulnerability and curiosity is the real gold.

But for this month, here are 5 ways you should be investing in your marriage financially.

If you're on a super tight budget, we get it. Spending $100 on a nice restaurant or bar is out of the question.

But otherwise, date nights are meant to be special... not a haphazard throw-together at the last minute or the typical "Where do you want to eat?", "I don't mind", conversation.

You should take turns in planning date nights, and you should have some kind of budget to work with. They should be special, considered, fun and not just facing a screen. (If you go to the movies, then ensure you go for dinner before or hot chocolate or cocktails after.)

Putting a financial cost on your date night makes it mean something. It's actually prioritising your relationship and you're protecting it from just getting cancelled because you don't feel like it at the last minute.

Spending money on a date makes it important and a priority, and it adds psychological weight to the time, making you less likely to postpone or cancel.

Most couples wait until something is broken before they seek help. Then, inside that help, are new levels of understanding, new methods to try, different perspectives and all kinds of relational education that help build the kind of marriage you want to be in.

We're a big advocate for marriage coaching and counselling (Darren does this), but it's unwise and cocky to think we know all there is to know, and our marriage is perfect and doesn't need continual learning. Most people think subconsiously, "We don’t need to invest like that until we go through a rough patch."

You shouldn't wait until your car breaks before servicing it... and you shouldn't do that for your most important relationship either.

There are lots of ways you can do this. Books, podcasts, online courses, and following relationship social media accounts. (we're on Instagram, Facebook, Tiktok by the way :))

Want suggestions? Try these (all links work on mobiles):

These tools, when learned together, also give you shared language and perspectives to use in your own marriage. They allow you to voice things with a deeper understanding of healthy conflict and communicating needs.

Don't ignore this one! Often the biggest barrier to truly connecting is time and energy. Generally, more energy doesn't just magically appear... you need to create margin for it.

This is a simple, easy way to do it. Just start where you are. Even $20 and 90 minutes of childcare can change the week.

When we had 3 young boys (there are 20 months between our eldest and our twins) close friends of ours would mind them on Tuesday afternoons at their home, feed them and bathe them and we'd pick them up, take them around the corner to our home and put them to bed. Game.... changer.

We now had time and energy for each other. Life with young kids is exhausting. The more you can create margin (and therefore time and energy), the more you'll have in the tank for each other.

Other options:

If you can't afford child minding AND a date night, get the kids minded... and do a free, easy, low-pressure date night. (Get the guide here for loads of ideas.)

When we have extra money, guess what we do? Pay the teenagers to do all the hard cleaning jobs! Good for them, good for us.

Pay a cleaner (or your kids... they might need some training first haha) or someone to do your laundry, or a lawn guy or someone to pressure wash the driveway.

What will genuinely take pressure off you so you can have more energy to connect?

If you can afford it... you should do it.
Especially if you're tired and lack the energy to connect.

When was the last time you got away for a weekend together... just the 2 of you?

We spoke with a couple a while back who hadn't been on a date or weekend away together in over 10 years. That's a long time between drinks.

Make a list of all the places, near and far, you'd like to visit. Where could you do a sneaky weekend getaway? An affordable 5-day overseas trip? A road trip up north or down south?

What about a list of local cafes, restaurants and bars you want to visit? I (Darren) have a list in my Notes on my iPhone of 'Restaurants to try'. Every time a friend or colleague says they visited this great restaurant I pop it in that list. Then, anytime we want to set up a date night or go somewhere spontaneously I've got a ready made list of places to try.

What other lists could you create together? Fun experiences like mini golf, yoga with mini-goats, indoor skydiving, the local arcade, movies coming out this year you want to see together, local walks and hikes, beaches and wineries you are interesting in visiting.

Get creative. Explore. Make lists and then make a plan to do them.

Meaningful and thoughtful beats expensive every time.

Instead of panic-buying something two days before Valentine’s Day, try this simple plan instead.

Now choose:

Finally, think about their love language. Would they value words, time, touch, acts of service or a gift most? Let that shape what you choose.

Then do the important part: plan it early and protect the time.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be big.
It just needs to be intentional.

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